Paper writing
It is that time of year when the student falls under the darkness of the end of the semester. Under the conditions this darkness, each student will act in different ways. For some it is a period of pressure and mourning. For others, it is a time of celebration and revelry. For many it is a time of reckoning, where procrastination, poor work ethic, inability to focus, or as yet unlearned skills of time management and academic work all rise up before the student. He is forced to gaze upon the failures and weaknesses of the semester.
At the same time, if this is not the students first semester, and if the student has been working hard to improve over other semesters, the student may also be able to see improvements in the end of semester conditions that weigh upon him. For me, every semester since my first year at NYU has been one such as that described above. This semester being no different, I seeing the glaring weaknesses of my efforts this semester. Yet, I am able to say happily that I have also been able to achieve that which I have heretofore failed to do. For this I am very happy.
Every semester, I hope, I want, I work that I might not procrastinate the writing of my papers until right before they are due. (Just so you know, I don't ever take tests in my studies and haven't for a long time. So, all of my comments are based on solely term-paper-based assessment.) In the beginning, I would procrastinate the writing of my papers as a response to the paralysis of my perfectionism. I have worked a great deal to become less of a perfectionist in all the areas of my life, and success in other areas, or should I say utter failure in other areas has helped me to accept and work toward a lower standard in my academic work. I don't know why I think I should be able to write a perfect paper. I have never done so before. I hadn't written one when I first started writing papers; so, I'm not sure where the belief in immediate perfection came from. It has long since been disabled. At this point, I do not even seek to write a good paper. I want a paper that can simply function as a paper should function. It has taken me years to learn the intricacies of writing methods, of paragraph, sentence, and essay formation, the techniques that facilitate the lucid development of a thesis over the reasonable amount of paper space. Every paper I learn a little better how to do what I do. Sometimes I consider how much easier it would be if I viewed the whole project in a much simpler fashion. For example, instead of looking at writing a paper as a dual moment of practicing self-expression and of exploring the pathways and limits of language, I should think of it as a time to complete an assignment. I am getting better at the first option, especially as I integrate the second into the first. Anyway, I am feeling good about this semester.
My goal for this semester is to finish a legitimate draft of one paper by Tuesday, and the second paper by Saturday. Both papers are not due until the following week. This would mean that for the first time ever, I was done before the work is due, and not just by a few days. I would finish a week early.
I have wanted to reach this goal for a long time. In my undergraduate days I would get upset with myself that I was writing papers at the last minute. I wrote them at the last minute and handed them in. I squeezed out whatever needed to be written. It was far from perfect. It wasn't even good. I blamed myself. In reality, I was too hard on myself, expecting myself to be able to write a paper without any real knowledge of the writing process. (My writing classes did not teach this. I hope I do somewhat in my own classes.) I was trying to write everything all at once. I was trying to write the outline at the same time I was doing the research, at the same time I was free-writing, at the same time I was writing a draft. I guess it wasn't that I was doing all of these things at once in the sense that I was jumping to a final draft before doing anything else. I mean that I had the same expectation of my research notes, as I did for my outline as I did for my free-writes, as I did for my final paper. Somehow I thought the level of logic, structure, clarity, style and evidence would be the same in the beginning as I did in the end. It took a while to begin to unravel this myth. Each semester, I have been trying to integrate these steps more and more throughout the course of the semester so that I can be as prepared as possible to write what I need to write at the end of the semester. I try to break it down into the same complexity of work as I find in tending a garden. If I can make it that simple, I can enjoy it that much. I guess it helps that I have a lot of patience with the garden and very low expectation for the year. This year I was happy just to get anything out of it.
Writing can be a similar process. I am looking forward to learning a little better how to write the end of term papers I am writing this semester to make it that much easier in the future. On the upside, I only have one more course to take. Then, I don't have to worry about deadlines for my writing. I mean I have to write a dissertation, but that's totally different, right?
For this current end of semester period, I am currently in the throes of self-imposed writing stress. In the past, only the stress of having a paper due within the next twenty-four to forty-eight hours was enough to motivate me. Then, when Patrice said I didn't have to worry about classes, even the deadline wasn't very motivating for me and I started taking incompletes. So, in order to counteract my inability to be guided by the academic contracts of grades and deadlines, and to avoid the stress inherent in that system, I am trying to replicate the experience two weeks prior to when it would usually occur. That way I am done and over with before I would even begin to feel the worst of the stress and anxiety. I tried to do this last year, but it didn't work. I wasn't serious enough about it. I ended up watching hulu and eating ice cream. This year, I am not letting myself go out to do anything in order to show myself how serious I am about getting this done. I feel like it is working already. I feel good about it. Friday and Saturday I sat in my apartment trying to pound out four letter words (it's a double reference: in one sense referring to swear words and in another sense referring to the fact that less than four letter words don't really count for the word count.)
At the same time, if this is not the students first semester, and if the student has been working hard to improve over other semesters, the student may also be able to see improvements in the end of semester conditions that weigh upon him. For me, every semester since my first year at NYU has been one such as that described above. This semester being no different, I seeing the glaring weaknesses of my efforts this semester. Yet, I am able to say happily that I have also been able to achieve that which I have heretofore failed to do. For this I am very happy.
Every semester, I hope, I want, I work that I might not procrastinate the writing of my papers until right before they are due. (Just so you know, I don't ever take tests in my studies and haven't for a long time. So, all of my comments are based on solely term-paper-based assessment.) In the beginning, I would procrastinate the writing of my papers as a response to the paralysis of my perfectionism. I have worked a great deal to become less of a perfectionist in all the areas of my life, and success in other areas, or should I say utter failure in other areas has helped me to accept and work toward a lower standard in my academic work. I don't know why I think I should be able to write a perfect paper. I have never done so before. I hadn't written one when I first started writing papers; so, I'm not sure where the belief in immediate perfection came from. It has long since been disabled. At this point, I do not even seek to write a good paper. I want a paper that can simply function as a paper should function. It has taken me years to learn the intricacies of writing methods, of paragraph, sentence, and essay formation, the techniques that facilitate the lucid development of a thesis over the reasonable amount of paper space. Every paper I learn a little better how to do what I do. Sometimes I consider how much easier it would be if I viewed the whole project in a much simpler fashion. For example, instead of looking at writing a paper as a dual moment of practicing self-expression and of exploring the pathways and limits of language, I should think of it as a time to complete an assignment. I am getting better at the first option, especially as I integrate the second into the first. Anyway, I am feeling good about this semester.
My goal for this semester is to finish a legitimate draft of one paper by Tuesday, and the second paper by Saturday. Both papers are not due until the following week. This would mean that for the first time ever, I was done before the work is due, and not just by a few days. I would finish a week early.
I have wanted to reach this goal for a long time. In my undergraduate days I would get upset with myself that I was writing papers at the last minute. I wrote them at the last minute and handed them in. I squeezed out whatever needed to be written. It was far from perfect. It wasn't even good. I blamed myself. In reality, I was too hard on myself, expecting myself to be able to write a paper without any real knowledge of the writing process. (My writing classes did not teach this. I hope I do somewhat in my own classes.) I was trying to write everything all at once. I was trying to write the outline at the same time I was doing the research, at the same time I was free-writing, at the same time I was writing a draft. I guess it wasn't that I was doing all of these things at once in the sense that I was jumping to a final draft before doing anything else. I mean that I had the same expectation of my research notes, as I did for my outline as I did for my free-writes, as I did for my final paper. Somehow I thought the level of logic, structure, clarity, style and evidence would be the same in the beginning as I did in the end. It took a while to begin to unravel this myth. Each semester, I have been trying to integrate these steps more and more throughout the course of the semester so that I can be as prepared as possible to write what I need to write at the end of the semester. I try to break it down into the same complexity of work as I find in tending a garden. If I can make it that simple, I can enjoy it that much. I guess it helps that I have a lot of patience with the garden and very low expectation for the year. This year I was happy just to get anything out of it.
Writing can be a similar process. I am looking forward to learning a little better how to write the end of term papers I am writing this semester to make it that much easier in the future. On the upside, I only have one more course to take. Then, I don't have to worry about deadlines for my writing. I mean I have to write a dissertation, but that's totally different, right?
For this current end of semester period, I am currently in the throes of self-imposed writing stress. In the past, only the stress of having a paper due within the next twenty-four to forty-eight hours was enough to motivate me. Then, when Patrice said I didn't have to worry about classes, even the deadline wasn't very motivating for me and I started taking incompletes. So, in order to counteract my inability to be guided by the academic contracts of grades and deadlines, and to avoid the stress inherent in that system, I am trying to replicate the experience two weeks prior to when it would usually occur. That way I am done and over with before I would even begin to feel the worst of the stress and anxiety. I tried to do this last year, but it didn't work. I wasn't serious enough about it. I ended up watching hulu and eating ice cream. This year, I am not letting myself go out to do anything in order to show myself how serious I am about getting this done. I feel like it is working already. I feel good about it. Friday and Saturday I sat in my apartment trying to pound out four letter words (it's a double reference: in one sense referring to swear words and in another sense referring to the fact that less than four letter words don't really count for the word count.)
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