NAME WITHHELD
When we know others can't forgive
I am a bad person. I have done bad things. I have spent a lot more time in my life trying to be a good person and do good things, but that doesn't change the fact that I have sinned. No amount of good I do makes up for my sins. I cannot overcome my sins by being a good person. In fact, there is no way I can overcome my sins by myself. God can and does forgive me for the mistakes I have made and for the weaknesses I have been unable to control. He forgives me. I know this. Yet, I sometimes feel that this is not good enough. Yes, I know it is good enough for the Lord, and, yes, it is good enough for me. Nevertheless, at times I am made sharply aware that it is not good enough for the body of the church.
When paging through the articles in church magazines, one finds articles for which the contributing author's name has been withheld. Generally, speaking these articles describe processes of deep sorrow and weighty repentance. They are solemn gifts their authors have shared. At times I feel like these articles present the greatest promise of the gospel of Jesus Christ. They do not merely tell of the practical benefits of right living or share admonition to keep the myriad of commandments. They represent the majestic yet personal and awesome power of the Savior's love in the individual's life. In almost every case, these are the articles that have no name attached. The true identity of these authors is kept hidden. I appreciate the discretion and respect that this practice conveys. Yet, I worry that we are not more prepared to approach, love, and celebrate these individuals.
I do not propose that we share our personal transgressions as a regular practice. As well, I am not proposing that we do away with the convention of withholding the name of contributors. I only remark that such are signs of an overall perception in the church that some sins are permissible and others are irredeemable. The Lord has promised that he will forgive. He does not see an individual as eternally flawed. No matter the weakness, we can overcome.
The gospel of Jesus Christ is the gospel of love and repentance. Jesus' call to God's children while carrying out his mortal ministry was precisely the call of repentance. That is, those who were part of his fold during his time on earth were individuals who sinned and repented. Christ loved them. They were part of his life. For some, past sins had been great. Great repentance and sorrow must have followed for them to have gained Christ's trust, because—though his love is freely given to all—his trust is that which we earn through humility, meekness, and especially obedience. We know that many individuals who are presented in the LDS canon made grave mistakes and subsequently underwent intense processes of repentance. Life is made up of mistakes. We are selfish with our time. We protect our emotions. We indulge in the benefits of living in a wealthy nation. We justify moral breaks because of our indigent circumstances.
A moral prejudice exists in the discourse of the church, a prejudice that polarizes individuals emotionally and socially. Because we are so concerned with helping teach those who are innocent to avoid the pitfalls of life, we, more often than not, represent (speak about) certain kinds of mistakes, failures, and transgressions as cliffs, cliffs we fall over into a impassable gulf. We represent this gulf as a place where repentance and faith can exist; however, they exist with the disclaimer that the individual can only reach so far. You can make certain kinds of mistakes, but you can't make others. Some sins are like stumbling. Others are like the gulf. The individual has sullied himself, ruined himself beyond the total repair that the Atonement brings. Individuals are made to feel that they may be blessed with the Lord's grace, but their actions have capped progression. These individuals cannot experience the happiness of those saints who have kept themselves clean from this other kind of sin.
We speak about sinning as it occurs on several levels. On one level, we are charged to repent on a daily basis. To be a follower of Christ, we must recognize our weaknesses, our sins, and repent of these regularly. Culturally, these sins are acceptable sins. Even the prophet may transgress in this way with the only consequence being that he is understood to be human. These sins include sins of omission: failure to follow a prompting, failure to say kind words, failure to remember a birthday, failure to attend a given church meeting, etc. We miss praying for a day or two. We slink to bed with only a half-hearted prayer. We speak disparagingly about someone behind their back. We tease an individual to her face. We leave a task for someone else to do: cleaning, opening a door. We buy excessive luxury items. We focus in on the weaknesses and shortcomings of others. These and many more of the like make up those sins which are expected of church members on a daily basis. You can commit these sins and fully repent. These are lifelong weaknesses that you may struggle with but will be found worthy at the end of life having tried your best. (Each category could be measured by the degree to which we perceive it injures outwardly. This first group could be considered as those things we only mildly injure others. If at all.)
In the church, there are also those transgressions we understand as those which require recognition and repentance. Though you may have committed these sins, they are one-shot deals that you can take care of quickly. You will refer to them as major turning points in your life. They are meaningful but not so grave that you can't mention them or so grave that they will keep you from progressing through the church. Examples of these kinds of transgressions include: President Hinckley's admission that he wasn't focused while on his mission; President Nelson's admission that he spent too little attention on his family—so much so that they wanted the nice house as opposed to time with their father (or Oaks?); Alma and Saul's preaching against the Lord's ministry. Other transgressions of this type include: not paying one's tithing faithfully, having poor financial practices, not forgiving another, being rough on one's child, being a less than adequate parent, speaking harshly to a spouse or loved one, etc. (This second group could be considered as those which begin to harm others in a more signficant way. [In that] They represent chronic weaknesses. However, these chronic weaknesses occur within the acceptable realm of social interactions, and are subsequently corrected.)
A third set of actions are considered to be those which bring the individual beyond the realm of acceptable repentance. These individual's find themselves lost, beyond the Lord's power for redemption, and this, not only because they have lost faith in themselves, but largely because we as a Mormon culture, our discourse expresses a lack of faith in these individuals. The actions that make up this set include serious issues such as divorce, depression, thoughts of suicide, emotional and mental illnesses, same sex attraction, and other socially governed perceptions of human behavior. Other actions included in this group that are less sensitive subjects but still call for third degree status include: not going to a church affiliated college, not getting married by a certain age, not having two or more children, not having a full-time institutionally regulated job (stable, benefits), not conforming to ultra-conventional codes of dress, in summary any behavior where one exhibits a high degree of individuality within a given set of social morays. All of these actions both those of the sensitive nature and those of the individualistic nature are portrayed as signs of inherent, indelible, ingrained flaws, which prevent the individual from experiencing the fullness of the blessings the gospel has to offer. In as much as the individual is unable to conform to certain societal expectations, she is understood to have fallen short of forgiveness.
But what of the story of the Prodigal Son? What of the story of the lost sheep from the ninety and nine? I believe that in one way or another—according to our own weaknesses and attributes—we are all a prodigal child of our Father in heaven and we must appreciate the struggles of others to find peace and strength as similar to own our struggles to overcome the major weaknesses that keep us from communing with God. And, if one believes that he or she is free from such struggles, then this individual is the one who cries that all is well in Zion. Perhaps we understand the story of the Prodigal Son to be that of an individual who has gone astray—behaved inappropriately—but then turned around and restored their behavior to do that which is socially acceptable. We have very little room in the church, it seems sometimes, for those who don't fit the mold. We are too lazy to treat them as individuals. The real problem is that we are living under a mask if we don't understand that we are to treat everyone as an individual. For as much as it seems someone conforms to your perception of what a church member should be, developing an eternal relationship with that person means seeing her as the unique nexus of talents, interests, weaknesses, hopes, blessings, and strengths that she is. This is what is asked of us by the Lord when he commands us to love one another as he loved us. He sees the individual in each person, not their conformity to religious convention. Anything short of this falls short of an eternal relationship. We have eternity to come to love each other. We should start now.
I am a bad person. I have done bad things. I have spent a lot more time in my life trying to be a good person and do good things, but that doesn't change the fact that I have sinned. No amount of good I do makes up for my sins. I cannot overcome my sins by being a good person. In fact, there is no way I can overcome my sins by myself. God can and does forgive me for the mistakes I have made and for the weaknesses I have been unable to control. He forgives me. I know this. Yet, I sometimes feel that this is not good enough. Yes, I know it is good enough for the Lord, and, yes, it is good enough for me. Nevertheless, at times I am made sharply aware that it is not good enough for the body of the church.
When paging through the articles in church magazines, one finds articles for which the contributing author's name has been withheld. Generally, speaking these articles describe processes of deep sorrow and weighty repentance. They are solemn gifts their authors have shared. At times I feel like these articles present the greatest promise of the gospel of Jesus Christ. They do not merely tell of the practical benefits of right living or share admonition to keep the myriad of commandments. They represent the majestic yet personal and awesome power of the Savior's love in the individual's life. In almost every case, these are the articles that have no name attached. The true identity of these authors is kept hidden. I appreciate the discretion and respect that this practice conveys. Yet, I worry that we are not more prepared to approach, love, and celebrate these individuals.
I do not propose that we share our personal transgressions as a regular practice. As well, I am not proposing that we do away with the convention of withholding the name of contributors. I only remark that such are signs of an overall perception in the church that some sins are permissible and others are irredeemable. The Lord has promised that he will forgive. He does not see an individual as eternally flawed. No matter the weakness, we can overcome.
The gospel of Jesus Christ is the gospel of love and repentance. Jesus' call to God's children while carrying out his mortal ministry was precisely the call of repentance. That is, those who were part of his fold during his time on earth were individuals who sinned and repented. Christ loved them. They were part of his life. For some, past sins had been great. Great repentance and sorrow must have followed for them to have gained Christ's trust, because—though his love is freely given to all—his trust is that which we earn through humility, meekness, and especially obedience. We know that many individuals who are presented in the LDS canon made grave mistakes and subsequently underwent intense processes of repentance. Life is made up of mistakes. We are selfish with our time. We protect our emotions. We indulge in the benefits of living in a wealthy nation. We justify moral breaks because of our indigent circumstances.
A moral prejudice exists in the discourse of the church, a prejudice that polarizes individuals emotionally and socially. Because we are so concerned with helping teach those who are innocent to avoid the pitfalls of life, we, more often than not, represent (speak about) certain kinds of mistakes, failures, and transgressions as cliffs, cliffs we fall over into a impassable gulf. We represent this gulf as a place where repentance and faith can exist; however, they exist with the disclaimer that the individual can only reach so far. You can make certain kinds of mistakes, but you can't make others. Some sins are like stumbling. Others are like the gulf. The individual has sullied himself, ruined himself beyond the total repair that the Atonement brings. Individuals are made to feel that they may be blessed with the Lord's grace, but their actions have capped progression. These individuals cannot experience the happiness of those saints who have kept themselves clean from this other kind of sin.
We speak about sinning as it occurs on several levels. On one level, we are charged to repent on a daily basis. To be a follower of Christ, we must recognize our weaknesses, our sins, and repent of these regularly. Culturally, these sins are acceptable sins. Even the prophet may transgress in this way with the only consequence being that he is understood to be human. These sins include sins of omission: failure to follow a prompting, failure to say kind words, failure to remember a birthday, failure to attend a given church meeting, etc. We miss praying for a day or two. We slink to bed with only a half-hearted prayer. We speak disparagingly about someone behind their back. We tease an individual to her face. We leave a task for someone else to do: cleaning, opening a door. We buy excessive luxury items. We focus in on the weaknesses and shortcomings of others. These and many more of the like make up those sins which are expected of church members on a daily basis. You can commit these sins and fully repent. These are lifelong weaknesses that you may struggle with but will be found worthy at the end of life having tried your best. (Each category could be measured by the degree to which we perceive it injures outwardly. This first group could be considered as those things we only mildly injure others. If at all.)
In the church, there are also those transgressions we understand as those which require recognition and repentance. Though you may have committed these sins, they are one-shot deals that you can take care of quickly. You will refer to them as major turning points in your life. They are meaningful but not so grave that you can't mention them or so grave that they will keep you from progressing through the church. Examples of these kinds of transgressions include: President Hinckley's admission that he wasn't focused while on his mission; President Nelson's admission that he spent too little attention on his family—so much so that they wanted the nice house as opposed to time with their father (or Oaks?); Alma and Saul's preaching against the Lord's ministry. Other transgressions of this type include: not paying one's tithing faithfully, having poor financial practices, not forgiving another, being rough on one's child, being a less than adequate parent, speaking harshly to a spouse or loved one, etc. (This second group could be considered as those which begin to harm others in a more signficant way. [In that] They represent chronic weaknesses. However, these chronic weaknesses occur within the acceptable realm of social interactions, and are subsequently corrected.)
A third set of actions are considered to be those which bring the individual beyond the realm of acceptable repentance. These individual's find themselves lost, beyond the Lord's power for redemption, and this, not only because they have lost faith in themselves, but largely because we as a Mormon culture, our discourse expresses a lack of faith in these individuals. The actions that make up this set include serious issues such as divorce, depression, thoughts of suicide, emotional and mental illnesses, same sex attraction, and other socially governed perceptions of human behavior. Other actions included in this group that are less sensitive subjects but still call for third degree status include: not going to a church affiliated college, not getting married by a certain age, not having two or more children, not having a full-time institutionally regulated job (stable, benefits), not conforming to ultra-conventional codes of dress, in summary any behavior where one exhibits a high degree of individuality within a given set of social morays. All of these actions both those of the sensitive nature and those of the individualistic nature are portrayed as signs of inherent, indelible, ingrained flaws, which prevent the individual from experiencing the fullness of the blessings the gospel has to offer. In as much as the individual is unable to conform to certain societal expectations, she is understood to have fallen short of forgiveness.
But what of the story of the Prodigal Son? What of the story of the lost sheep from the ninety and nine? I believe that in one way or another—according to our own weaknesses and attributes—we are all a prodigal child of our Father in heaven and we must appreciate the struggles of others to find peace and strength as similar to own our struggles to overcome the major weaknesses that keep us from communing with God. And, if one believes that he or she is free from such struggles, then this individual is the one who cries that all is well in Zion. Perhaps we understand the story of the Prodigal Son to be that of an individual who has gone astray—behaved inappropriately—but then turned around and restored their behavior to do that which is socially acceptable. We have very little room in the church, it seems sometimes, for those who don't fit the mold. We are too lazy to treat them as individuals. The real problem is that we are living under a mask if we don't understand that we are to treat everyone as an individual. For as much as it seems someone conforms to your perception of what a church member should be, developing an eternal relationship with that person means seeing her as the unique nexus of talents, interests, weaknesses, hopes, blessings, and strengths that she is. This is what is asked of us by the Lord when he commands us to love one another as he loved us. He sees the individual in each person, not their conformity to religious convention. Anything short of this falls short of an eternal relationship. We have eternity to come to love each other. We should start now.
