Teaching
As my birthday draws near, I begin to ponder what would be the most comfortable and entertaining way for me to spend my special day. I think about my friends in the city, my family scattered abroad, fellow associates in my graduate program; and, I think about the people I know from church. While I appreciate these relationships and connections, each group is made up of very disparate set of members, and the intimacy that I hold with each member of a given body is very much individual-specific.
My comfort level and my level of engagement vary greatly from person to person with all of these groups. This has been a distinguishing feature of my life for at least the past five years. That is, until now. Yesterday when I was thinking about who I would want to have a birthday celebration, I thought of my class at school. Whether illusion or reality, temporary or permanent, I think of them as a group of people that take an interest in me and what I have to share. Obviously, it is their responsibility as students to do just that. That the structure created to provide instruction for the students also helps to overcome my emotional shortcomings is not an intended outcome of the system. I think that it is good that I am aware of this. Otherwise, I might form an unhealthy attachment to the class or to teaching in general.
Perhaps growing up in a family of six children, working with my siblings, set in my emotional mind that the most comfortable and most productive form was that of working as a team where each has a voice, where each is expected to contribute his best, and where each shares without concern for mocking or negativity. That's the way I set up the classroom as much as possible. That is the way I am working to set up the campus garden as well. It is a free zone where everyone can share whatever they wish to share, and take the lead on whatever project interests them. After that, the group will be grateful for whatever you offer knowing that nothing at all would have done if you hadn't stepped up. I like organizing groups in this way. It is very productive and very positive. Another likely reason why I like these groups so much is because I have so much control in the way they are run. I can be extremely confident and effective in these groups. I suppose that this is a very selfish or at least egoist position.
Returning to my first point, I am happy that for the first time in a while I can feel like there is a group wherein I feel comfortable and I can have fun while getting lots of work done. At the same time, it is disappointing that it only be with my students. They are wonderful people, but it is a community of relationships that ends in another three weeks. I am glad that we were able to form a community of relationships, but I would like to be a part of a similar community of relationships that lasted for a couple of years. Creating such a community can be one of the most difficult things that we do in life. What is the basis for such a community? Here it was Intermediate Writing Workshop. Other times it is summer camp, church service, a business deal, survival situations, and fixing up a house. People like working together in a group, especially when the principles guiding the group affirm individual contributions and identities. I imagine that some people have work places that offer such a group of individuals. Other people might find such a group in a religious congregation or with a volunteer fire department.
Maybe by next year I'll have figured out some group to join where I am able to participate on an integrated level in a more permanent way, at least more so than a semester-long class. Perhaps the fact that I feel best around my class is a testament to how much interaction I need with a given group of people to feel acceptance. I have seen them for more time and more frequently than any other group of people in the past six months. We have a commitment to each other that dictates time and effort that we will invest in the course. In fact, I have probably seen them more consistently and for more time over the past six months than almost anyone I know. I think what really distinguishes the time together is the commitment we have to each other in making the time meaningful.
Over the past six months I could have chosen to spend an equal amount of frequent time with others; however, the time together only involved a very low level of commitment, and I chose to move away. I guess I don't know how I would want time together or commitment to change to more closely reflect the work I do with my students. Probably the time spent would look like a college class or a Scout patrol.
My comfort level and my level of engagement vary greatly from person to person with all of these groups. This has been a distinguishing feature of my life for at least the past five years. That is, until now. Yesterday when I was thinking about who I would want to have a birthday celebration, I thought of my class at school. Whether illusion or reality, temporary or permanent, I think of them as a group of people that take an interest in me and what I have to share. Obviously, it is their responsibility as students to do just that. That the structure created to provide instruction for the students also helps to overcome my emotional shortcomings is not an intended outcome of the system. I think that it is good that I am aware of this. Otherwise, I might form an unhealthy attachment to the class or to teaching in general.
Perhaps growing up in a family of six children, working with my siblings, set in my emotional mind that the most comfortable and most productive form was that of working as a team where each has a voice, where each is expected to contribute his best, and where each shares without concern for mocking or negativity. That's the way I set up the classroom as much as possible. That is the way I am working to set up the campus garden as well. It is a free zone where everyone can share whatever they wish to share, and take the lead on whatever project interests them. After that, the group will be grateful for whatever you offer knowing that nothing at all would have done if you hadn't stepped up. I like organizing groups in this way. It is very productive and very positive. Another likely reason why I like these groups so much is because I have so much control in the way they are run. I can be extremely confident and effective in these groups. I suppose that this is a very selfish or at least egoist position.
Returning to my first point, I am happy that for the first time in a while I can feel like there is a group wherein I feel comfortable and I can have fun while getting lots of work done. At the same time, it is disappointing that it only be with my students. They are wonderful people, but it is a community of relationships that ends in another three weeks. I am glad that we were able to form a community of relationships, but I would like to be a part of a similar community of relationships that lasted for a couple of years. Creating such a community can be one of the most difficult things that we do in life. What is the basis for such a community? Here it was Intermediate Writing Workshop. Other times it is summer camp, church service, a business deal, survival situations, and fixing up a house. People like working together in a group, especially when the principles guiding the group affirm individual contributions and identities. I imagine that some people have work places that offer such a group of individuals. Other people might find such a group in a religious congregation or with a volunteer fire department.
Maybe by next year I'll have figured out some group to join where I am able to participate on an integrated level in a more permanent way, at least more so than a semester-long class. Perhaps the fact that I feel best around my class is a testament to how much interaction I need with a given group of people to feel acceptance. I have seen them for more time and more frequently than any other group of people in the past six months. We have a commitment to each other that dictates time and effort that we will invest in the course. In fact, I have probably seen them more consistently and for more time over the past six months than almost anyone I know. I think what really distinguishes the time together is the commitment we have to each other in making the time meaningful.
Over the past six months I could have chosen to spend an equal amount of frequent time with others; however, the time together only involved a very low level of commitment, and I chose to move away. I guess I don't know how I would want time together or commitment to change to more closely reflect the work I do with my students. Probably the time spent would look like a college class or a Scout patrol.
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